How To Propose To Your Boyfriend

How To Propose To a Man  When He Doesn’t Propose To You

Although we are inarguably living in a modern society, one where the average woman doesn’t stand there waiting for a man to happen by to open a door for her any longer, there has not been any sort of uptrend in one area; women proposing to their boyfriends. In this ebook, we intend to investigate the phenomenon of women proposing to men, why the trend hasn’t taken off, and if it is the right choice for you and your boyfriend.

can a woman propose to a man

YES

In the first section, we’ll look at the social stigmas that are attached to women proposing to men. We’ll help you with your decision on proposing to your boyfriend being the right decision for you, and if it is, when you should pop the fateful question.

 

Then, we will jump right into how to make the proposal phenomenal. Nobody wants to be asked for their hand in marriage inside of a port-a-potty at a Molly Hatchet concert, so we will help guide you into a scenario where you stand the best chances of your boyfriend uttering the phrase you are bucking tradition to hear, “yes, yes, a thousand times, yes”.

 

Finally, we will cover the possible outcomes. The elation and celebration following a “yes”, and the way to gracefully deal with the answer if it is “no”. In addition, we’ll discuss the option of buying a ring to present for engagement, other possible engagement tokens, and how to successfully keep your boyfriend from feeling emasculated when you make the decision to make an honest man out of him.

 

So, strap on your laciest garters, ladies, and let’s explore proposing to your boyfriend who hasn’t, or won’t, propose to you.

 

When Should You Begin To Consider Proposing To Him?

Prior to proposing, you need to have a serious conversation with yourself about where your relationship currently stands. Most women are much more mature than men much more quickly, so you may be thinking wedding bells and baby buggies, but he is still content to play Playstation all day and eat Hot Pockets. Those are two entirely different outlooks on a relationship, and it may lead to you getting your feelings hurt if you propose to a guy who just isn’t in the commitment frame of mind.

 

If the two of you have discussed marriage, children, your future together, and you have similar plans and goals, then you might be in the clear. However, if you can’t even agree on what his major is supposed to be, you are probably not in a place in life, or in your relationship, where proposing marriage will end in a satisfactory response for you.

 

Traditionally, marriage was more of a business arrangement between families or clans that was put in place to successfully hand over land or provide protection for families. In current times, we have real estate agents and police forces for that, so marriage is free to be whatever you choose for it to be with you and your spouse. Currently, there are a lot of couples who are child free and intend to stay that way for life. Other married couples are in business together, and their finances would be greatly affected by divorce.

 

There isn’t a current day scenario that requires people to have a spouse any longer. There are a lot of people who have never married, and they don’t ever want to . You need to know your boyfriend well enough to know how he feels about engagement, marriage, children, and all of the division of duties and day to day struggles that come along with agreeing to partner with another for the remainder of your lives.

 

Prior to agreeing upon proposing to him being the right move for you, ask yourself these questions about your relationship and your boyfriend, and answer honestly:

 

• Are you currently living together? How is your home life together if you are cohabitating? If you aren’t yet living together, why not? Does he have extenuating circumstances, like children from previous relationships or a prior marriage? Do you live within thirty minutes of one another currently, or are you in a long distance relationship?
• What are his views on marriage? On children? Do they align with your views on the subjects? If not, how substantial are the differences in your beliefs? Are they trivial differences in the grand scheme of life, like the number of children you plan to have? Are they potentially relationship destroying differences, such as one of you is polyamorous and the other is monogomous?
• Are his beliefs in other areas of life pretty traditional, or is he a general forward thinking type of guy?

 

If the two of you are already married, without the marriage certificate to prove it, then you will probably find he answers yes. He is more than likely already comfortable and settled into his life and routine with you. However, if you live on opposite sides of the country and only communicate via Skype on Sunday, you may be setting yourself up to have your heart broken. Answer yourself honestly when asking, “Is he really ready to be a husband? And is he really ready to be a husband to me?”

I’m Pretty Sure He’s In It For The Long Haul…

If you have decided that this is definitely a step that the two of you should be taking, and are both prepared to take, draw some motivation from famous women before you who grabbed their relationships by the stones.

• Pink proposed to Carey Hart. He said yes.
• Liz Taylor proposed to her 2nd husband. He said, yes, for a while anyway.
• Kristen Bell proposed to Dax Shepard. I know, right?!?
• Queen Victoria proposed to Prince Albert. Nevermind the fact they were cousins.
• Zsa Zsa Gabor proposed to all 9 of her husbands. Let that sink in for a minute.

 

Many women before you have decided that they were ready to take the plunge, and that they didn’t need to wait for their boyfriend to make the decision to marry them, so they instead did the asking. If you think that you and your guy are at that point, then, by all means, let’s get you prepared to take the next step.

 

Is Asking Your Boyfriend For His Hand Appropriate?

Interestingly, unlike with any other topic up for discussion, the answer received from everyone from millennial to senior citizen, male and female, polled is “no”, this is still a role that isn’t appropriate for a woman to take upon herself. From 18 to 78, it seems as though the overwhelming response to this question is that it will not become a tradition that is lost with time, as many of the other traditions have over the years.

 

Although many famous women over the years have proposed, they haven’t yet sparked the landslide of proposing women that one might suspect. It seems that in our hurry to shake off the weight of tradition where gender roles are concerned, most people aren’t anxious to let men proposing to women be one that is cast aside.

 

Both the humor surrounding leap year and women proposing, and the Sadie Hawkins lore, are centered around unwanted or unattractive women essentially pushing men to agree to marry them. Cartoons, memes, jokes, and crude humor have surrounded these two “historically” female proposal driven dates, and neither of them look upon women asking for mens hands in marriage favorably. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Only old maids and women to be pitied are out here on one knee.

 

Statistics show that 97% of heterosexual married couples polled stated that the husband popped the question. However, it is often noted that the couple had discussed marriage for a substantial time frame prior to the proposal, even so much as doing the engagement ring shopping together.

Even with that being said, the wives stated that they would not have preferred to do without the grand gesture, even going so far as to say that they wouldn’t have accepted the proposal without the show and spectacle behind the question popping.

 

Of the women that were polled, it is interesting to note that most were self-proclaimed modern women, driven and “ruthless” in the career fields of their choosing. When asked why they didn’t care for the idea of women proposing to men, they offered the explanation that after being so aggressive in their careers, it was nice to be wanted and effeminate in their relationships.

 

So We’re Ready To Do This…But, How?

The point that is noted again and again when asking about men being comfortable being proposed to, emasculation is mentioned again and again. In order to prevent your boyfriend from feeling emasculated by your proposal, we’ve put together a list of things you need to consider during the proposal that will help you avoid stripping him of his manhood.

 

• Do It Privately: In most cases, engagements are often the talk of the family and inner circle of the couple. However, your guy may accept, but not necessarily be comfortable with his friends or family knowing how it occurred. Leave the telling of the details up to your guy; make it a private affair between the two of you.
• Think About His Ego: You know your guy. Is this proposal going to make him feel resentful or as though he didn’t do something in the right way? If your guy is the type to become miffed at a woman taking the first step, reconsider.
• Make It Meaningful: We’ve all jokingly said things like “I would marry you for”” or something jokingly along those lines. Make your proposal serious and meaningful, you want to ensure that he knows that everything that you are saying is serious, and this is an actual proposal, not just you saying something that sounds like one.
• Explain What He Means To You: Let him know, you think he is the bees knees. Tell him how he meets your list of perfect guy qualities. Whatever it is that you think is so terrific about your guy, tell him as much. He should know why it is that you have decided that he is so great, you needed to propose to him.
• Plan For His Possible Reaction: There is a chance that his answer isn’t going to be a resounding yes. As terrible as that sounds, it will feel even worse. The fact is, if you’re taking the chance, you need to steel yourself for the possible outcomes. It is important to be honest with yourself, and be ready for whatever his answer may be.
• DON’T PUSH IT: If you know he will respond poorly, get upset or even angry, do not propose. There’s no sense in going forward with something that you know is going to be poorly received and will cause a possible problem between the two of you. When in doubt, it’s better to just put it aside for now.

 

To Ring, Or Not To Ring

We wondered about engagement rings, and how it would work in the cases where the roles are reversed. In most cases, the men were not presented with an engagement ring. However, there are lots of other fun gifts that you can give to your guy as a token of your love and devotion. What does your guy like? Is there something he really wants, a watch, a man cave, a trip?

 

If you’re going to go the non-traditional route, you need to understand that you don’t have to present him with a ring for engagement. Your engagement gift can be as unique as your proposal to him. Think about what it is that he truly loves and either wants or needs in his life. The gift he won’t buy for himself because he considers it selfish to do so, or too extravagant. Exactly what a huge diamond is when a man buys it for you. That is the gift you should try to give him if he accepts your proposal for marriage.

 

A surprising statistic is that over the past five years, the number of people searching for engagement gifts to give a guy when popping the question has increased 336%. That tells us you are certainly not alone in your desire to both pop the question, and provide a gift that is going to wow him and mean something at the same time.

Some of the great ideas that we came across are notable, authentic, and unique gifts:

 

• Locket cufflinks, when you open them there are tiny pictures of the two of you inside them.
• Engraved tool kits, with your names or the date of your first date on their handles.
• Customized bar kits if your guy likes to entertain. Depending on your budget, this can range from an entire customized bar for his man cave to actually building him a man cave that includes a bar.
• What is your guy’s hobby? Golf? Customized clubs or balls. Camping? A bluetooth speaker that doubles as a lantern. The list goes on and on, just put some thought into it.

 

The biggest factor is that you know the ins and outs of your man. By giving him an awesome, personalized, thoughtful gift, you’re telling him you know the things that matter to him, and that it’s important to you to provide those things to him when you can. That doesn’t mean you have to blow your entire budget for food this year, it just means that you should do the most awesome gift giving that your funds provide for.

 

If your guy is into vintage Rolex, but you only have Timex funds, you may want to focus on another hobby and collection of his. However, if you put some time and thought into giving a great gift, you should be able to do something unique and special to his heart that will really blow his mind.

 

How To Go About Proposing To Him

The best sort of proposals are said to be fun and romantic. When you’re talking about proposing to your guy, it can be a little tricky to plan a proposal that is both of these. Some of the ideas for proposing to a woman don’t necessarily translate well to proposing to your guy. A list of a few great guidelines are:

 

• Propose using one of his hobbies or favorite pastimes: The best way to get him to not only enjoy the proposal, but to make it a great time for both of you is to employ the use of his hobbies. If he is a hiker and camper, scout out a great camping trip, and lay down the plans to take him. If he is a fan of the beach, plan a weekend getaway to a private beach, and propose to him at sunrise. The sky’s the limit when it comes to utilizing your man’s favorite things to show him you know him, and you want to spend your life with him.
• Try a new adventure together: Has he always wanted to go bungee jumping? Maybe he has voiced the fact that he would like to visit a winery? Whatever new hobby or adventure he has mentioned wanting to try, or something that you know he would think is the coolest thing ever, perhaps you could set it up for both of you to take part in it. This will lay the groundwork for you to propose, and show him that you are down to learn and partake in the things that he thinks are pretty awesome.
• Cook for him: The old adage still rings true, you can speak best to a man’s heart through his stomach. Make his favorite food, or bring his favorite take out home to have together. If you can’t cook, though, you may want to stick with the take out. It probably won’t go over as smoothly if you try to make his mom’s chicken and dumplings recipe and fail miserably at it.

 

Some of these might be a little more your man’s style, especially if he is a younger guy:

 

• Turn it into a treasure hunt: If he is an adventurous type of guy that enjoys being in the woods, try creating a cool treasure hunt by hiding things out in a nice campsite, and taking him on a hiking trip to find them. Some of the things you could hide would be small trinkets that mean something to you guys as a couple, such as movie stubs under a rock, or coasters from your favorite spot tacked to a tree. The point is to make him remember the great times you guys have together, and all of the things in common that you two have. You could make your engagement gift the last thing to find on the treasure hunt, and then propose to him once he locates it.
• Make a YouTube video for him: Let’s face it, it’s hard to get your guy to pay attention for very long unless it is in video form, usually involving animals doing something funny, or someone getting injured enough to be funny. Of course, we aren’t suggesting you hurt yourself, but making a YouTube video for him, maybe highlighting all of the amazing things about your relationship is a great idea. You could even propose to him in the video, which might work well for you if you tend to trip over your words when you are nervous.
• Relive your first date together: This might work for you if you had a quiet and laid back first date, because you want to try to keep the proposal based where just the two of you are involved. So if your first date was the movies or a crowded restaurant, this probably isn’t going to work very well for you, but it may if your first date was a picnic.

 

Some Of The Reasons Proposals Have Been Rejected”

When looking into the options of proposals, it is always important to look at some of the reasons that marriage proposals have been rejected. This will help you prevent doing something that could possibly turn a yes into a no. Some of the reasons are fairly obvious, but none of them really go without saying, as they have been a legitimate reason for someone else to say no:

 

• An Unromantic/Uncomfortable Setting: With all of the options that we have given you on settings to use for your proposal to your boyfriend, please don’t commit this violation of the rules. If you know that your guy hates being the center of attention, and you go to his office to propose to him in front of 200 coworkers, don’t say that you weren’t warned. Try your best to choose a setting that is quiet, romantic, and special to the two of you.
• Terrible Wording: Saying something along the lines of “you are my best rebound boyfriend ever” or “at least you have a car” is pretty much guaranteed to get a no on your marriage proposal. You should put a lot of thought into the way that you’re going to pop the question. Don’t just say the first thing that comes to mind. Try making some notes. Practice your speech on your dog, or in front of the mirror for a while. If it doesn’t sound good to you, it probably isn’t going to sound good to him either. Think about what you’re going to say in the case of your proposal being rejected also.
• Scared Of Commitment: If you know for certain that your guy is terrified of being in a committed relationship, you might want to reconsider what you’re doing. You don’t want to set yourself up for failure. Asking a commitment phobe for their hand in marriage is almost a surefire way to end a relationship.
• Hoping To Salvage A Relationship: So you have been going through a rough patch in your relationship lately, maybe you guys have decided to take a break. Now is not the time to propose marriage in hopes he will say yes and everything is going to magically be repaired. It won’t. If you aren’t in a good place in your relationship right now, it isn’t the right time to ask him.
• You Were Caught Cheating: This is one of those we wish we didn’t need to say, but unfortunately it seems it is necessary. The fact that this has happened enough in relationships that it is listed as one of the top reasons to reject a marriage proposal is a disturbing fact. If your boyfriend suspects you’re cheating, or you have recently been caught cheating and he has taken you back, we cannot stress to you enough that this isn’t the right time to propose to your boyfriend.
• To Stabilize Your Relationship: If you have a volatile or abusive relationship, we need you to please sit down and think about what you are doing for about 2 years. If you aren’t happy in your relationship, but you think that asking him to marry you is somehow going to suddenly fix all of the problems in your relationship, that just isn’t going to happen.

 

 

The Stage Is Set, You’re Ready, So Now What?…

We already know that this marriage proposal is going to go one of two possible ways. Now the options for the yes answer are pretty awesome, but the other…not so much. First, let’s cover what to do if he says no to your marriage proposal.

 

In most cases, after a proposal for marriage is rejected, the relationship doesn’t last very much longer. The reason for this is, of course, that the two of you don’t necessarily see the relationship in the same way, and probably have different ideas about the future. In some cases, he just may not believe that you’re the one, which may be the reason that he never asked for your hand in marriage.

 

You need to prepare yourself for the fact that this could very well be a defining moment in the relationship, and not in a good way, either. Let’s take a look at some of the possible outcomes if he does answer with a no to the proposal of marriage:

 

• If You Live Together: There is a good possibility that if the two of you are living together, and he rejects your proposal, you may need to think about who will move out. Make sure that you have an alternative plan together for what is going to take place if he does not say yes to your proposal and the relationship ends. Will you move? Will he? Are you financially ready to make a change at this moment? Be sure that you have not put yourself into a position that isn’t fiscally impossible for you at this exact moment.
• Do You Have The Same Friend Circle?: One of the worst things throughout the process of a breakup is choosing who keeps which friend. Having mutual friends as a couple is something that naturally takes place over time, but can impact a breakup in a big way, and make breaking up even more difficult. If you are hanging out with mostly his friends, you may want to consider contacting some of your friends and setting up a support system for yourself, just in case you need people to talk to after a rejected proposal. You simply aren’t going to need to be spending that time alone, and it’s going to more than likely be pretty emotional for you.
• Who Keeps What, Pets, Etc: Even if you guys don’t live together, you may own things together or have pets together. If you have pets together, who will your pet stay with? If it is you, do you have a safe home for the pet to go to along with you? You want to be sure to fully think about the aftermath and what a potential break up is going to mean for you, your things, and your pets.

 

How To Handle A “No” With Grace”

Although most of us would probably want to curl up into a ball and wait for the earth to swallow us, that isn’t the way that you need to handle a proposal rejection. Really, it isn’t. Instead, listen to what he has to say. He may be in a different place mentally about the relationship. Maybe he has something else taking place, such as a possible career shift or an ill family member, and he feels as though it may affect things between the two of you in a negative way. At least hear him out, because when you are replaying it in your mind, you will ask yourself why things didn’t go the way that you thought that you would.

 

However, you want to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn’t lose hope in all relationships and marriage just because this didn’t go the way that you planned for it to go. You will find someone who thinks that you’re absolutely terrific and who wouldn’t dream of saying no to a proposal from you. It just isn’t this guy.

 

In order to keep from falling into a depression and swearing off dating forever, try to follow some of these tips so you can stay positive about the matter, and positive about yourself:

 

• Try To Date Yourself: Take yourself out, and focus on doing the things that matter to you. If you like visiting museums and botanical gardens, go and do those things. If you want to ride horses or scuba dive, take yourself on the trips to make those things possible. Do the things for yourself that you may have been waiting for the right partner to do them with. There is no time like the present to date yourself.
• Focus On Your Career: Throwing yourself into your work is a great answer to a breakup. Not only does it help to do more at your job, but you could possibly see better income from it, and that is always a good thing after a breakup because now you have to consider the fact that you’re paying the bills without any assistance. However, it can be necessary to take a day or two of vacation time or sick time immediately after so that you aren’t crying or emotional at work. The fewer people at your job that know about it, the less likely they are to ask, setting you off into crying spells while at work. Crying or being emotional at your job is never advisable.
• Broaden Your Horizons: So you and he loved to go bowling every Friday, then movies every Saturday? Stop doing those things for a while, and explore some new options for yourself. Try taking up a new hobby, or visiting new places. Make some new friends, join a new social group, anything that helps you to focus on you and the new things that you can do and accomplish.
• Stay Away From Social Media: You don’t necessarily need to give up all social media altogether, but places like Facebook and Instagram can be brutal after a break up. Just take a break from places that will have pictures of the two of you and reminders of your relationship for a while. There is plenty of time later to change your status and delete pictures. Now isn’t the time to do such things, especially while you are still emotional about things.
• Remember How Great You Are: Just because one guy couldn’t see how absolutely amazing you would be as a wife doesn’t mean that nobody will. Focus on keeping your health and mental state positive and don’t allow yourself to get lost in ice cream and old reruns. Get up, exercise, run with your dog, and take care of yourself as you always have. You’ve got this. Things happen, you’ll be ok. Seriously. You’ll be ok.

 

But He Said Yes”

Well, outstanding! This is terrific news! So, what should you do now?

 

• Throw An Engagement Party: If you just got engaged, what better time to share the news with your friends and loved ones than with an engagement party? There are a lot of interesting party ideas that can help you plan a bash that is suitable to your personalities, and can really reflect the love that you two have for one another. Some great engagement party themes are:
• Backyard BBQ, With Games And Family Friendly Entertainment
• Vintage Cocktail Party With Themed Dress
• Luau, With Pig Roasting
• Clam Bake
• A Weekend Away With Your Best Couple Friends
• If the two of you would rather keep it solo, there are plenty of amazing ways for you to celebrate as a couple that are themed as well.
• Movie Night At Home
• Dinner For Two, Either Take Out Or Your Favorite Restaurant
• Pizza Night And Arcade Games

 

What Next?

The great news is that you are now an engaged couple. You can begin to plan for your engagement, such as sharing the news with family and friends. You can start to plan your wedding, or decide together that you aren’t necessarily a big fan of weddings, and would rather just have a quiet civil ceremony with those closest to you.

 

The fact is, it is a relationship between the two of you, so it’s all about what you two want for yourselves as a couple. You are the two that are going to be having a life together, so at the end of the day, what anyone else thinks or wants for you just isn’t important. If you want to be unique and do things your own way when it comes to engagement and marriage that is your right.

 

Celebrate the fact that you two have a love for one another and have found someone to enjoy the rest of your life with. Be happy. Have a great life together. It’s exactly what you signed up for when you decided to ask your boyfriend to marry you.

 

An Overview:

Prior to proposing, you need to have a serious conversation with yourself about where your relationship currently stands. Most women are much more mature than men much more quickly, so you may be thinking wedding bells and baby buggies, but he is still content to play Playstation all day and eat Hot Pockets. Those are two entirely different outlooks on a relationship, and it may lead to you getting your feelings hurt if you propose to a guy who just isn’t in the commitment frame of mind.

 

If the two of you have discussed marriage, children, your future together, and you have similar plans and goals, then you might be in the clear. However, if you can’t even agree on what his major is supposed to be, you are probably not in a place in life, or in your relationship, where proposing marriage will end in a satisfactory response for you.

 

If you’re going to go the non-traditional route, you need to understand that you don’t have to present him with a ring for engagement. Your engagement gift can be as unique as your proposal to him. Think about what it is that he truly loves and either wants or needs in his life. The gift he won’t buy for himself because he considers it selfish to do so, or too extravagant. Exactly what a huge diamond is when a man buys it for you. That is the gift you should try to give him if he accepts your proposal for marriage.

 

A surprising statistic is that over the past five years, the number of people searching for engagement gifts to give a guy when popping the question has increased 336%. That tells us you are certainly not alone in your desire to both pop the question, and provide a gift that is going to wow him and mean something at the same time.

 

• Propose using one of his hobbies or favorite pastimes: The best way to get him to not only enjoy the proposal, but to make it a great time for both of you is to employ the use of his hobbies. If he is a hiker and camper, scout out a great camping trip, and lay down the plans to take him. If he is a fan of the beach, plan a weekend getaway to a private beach, and propose to him at sunrise. The sky’s the limit when it comes to utilizing your man’s favorite things to show him you know him, and you want to spend your life with him.
• Try a new adventure together: Has he always wanted to go bungee jumping? Maybe he has voiced the fact that he would like to visit a winery? Whatever new hobby or adventure he has mentioned wanting to try, or something that you know he would think is the coolest thing ever, perhaps you could set it up for both of you to take part in it. This will lay the groundwork for you to propose, and show him that you are down to learn and partake in the things that he thinks are pretty awesome.
• Cook for him: The old adage still rings true, you can speak best to a man’s heart through his stomach. Make his favorite food, or bring his favorite take out home to have together. If you can’t cook, though, you may want to stick with the take out. It probably won’t go over as smoothly if you try to make his mom’s chicken and dumplings recipe and fail miserably at it.

 

If his answer is a no, most of us would probably want to curl up into a ball and wait for the earth to swallow us, that isn’t the way that you need to handle a proposal rejection. Really, it isn’t. Instead, listen to what he has to say. He may be in a different place mentally about the relationship. Maybe he has something else taking place, such as a possible career shift or an ill family member, and he feels as though it may affect things between the two of you in a negative way. At least hear him out, because when you are replaying it in your mind, you will ask yourself why things didn’t go the way that you thought that you would.

 

However, you want to remember that there is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn’t lose hope in all relationships and marriage just because this didn’t go the way that you planned for it to go. You will find someone who thinks that you’re absolutely terrific and who wouldn’t dream of saying no to a proposal from you. It just isn’t this guy.

 

If his answer is yes, the great news is that you are now an engaged couple. You can begin to plan for your engagement, such as sharing the news with family and friends. You can start to plan your wedding, or decide together that you aren’t necessarily a big fan of weddings, and would rather just have a quiet civil ceremony with those closest to you.

 

The fact is, it is a relationship between the two of you, so it’s all about what you two want for yourselves as a couple. You are the two that are going to be having a life together, so at the end of the day, what anyone else thinks or wants for you just isn’t important. If you want to be unique and do things your own way when it comes to engagement and marriage that is your right.

 

Celebrate the fact that you two have a love for one another and have found someone to enjoy the rest of your life with. Be happy. Have a great life together. It’s exactly what you signed up for when you decided to ask your boyfriend to marry you.

 

We are wishing you the best, and certainly hope that your decision to forego tradition works out the best way possible for you. You are doing brave things, and it speaks to your character as a woman.